Leaks Reveal Obama Administration Outsourcing Most Government Functions to ACORN

NOVEMBER 6, 2009 (Washington, DC) – A series of leaks from high level government sources has revealed that the controversial community organizing group, ACORN, is running most of the government’s functions. During the 2008 presidential campaign, the group was accused of conducting fraudulent voter registration drives. The group had been involved in President Obama’s campaign during the primary election. President Obama, himself, is a former community organizer. More recently, Congress voted to eliminate most of its funding after an undercover “sting” operation revealed ACORN operatives advising individuals posing as a prostitute and pimp how to commit various crimes.

Now, however, individuals close to the President have indicated that ACORN is much more ingrained into the new administration. Among other things, the group has been meeting with General Stanley McChrystal to determine whether to increase the number of troops in Afghanistan, something which most observers agree, it is completely unqualified to do. Even more disturbing, however, are allegations that ACORN has been controlling the weather in the Eastern United States for the past six months and is currently planning the future.

Participants in the meeting claim that ACORN envisions a world where anyone making more than $20,000 per year will be taxed at 100%. ACORN then plans to redistribute the money to hippies, vagrants, and other deviants to fund pot-smoking and highly speculative purportedly “scientific” conversations. The group will then also erect statutes of Lenin and Marx in the central part of all major cities.