Rest of World Awards Obama Peace Consolation Prize In Lieu of Actual Peace

OCTOBER 10, 2009 (Oslo, Norway) – U.S. President Barack Obama was swept into office last November on a platform of change, hope, peace, love, and general grooviness. The rest of the world lobbied America hard to elect the non-white agent of change, suggesting that it would reduce its generally high level of spikiness towards the world’s primary superpower and premier t-shirt producing nation.

However, in the nine months since taking office, Obama has generally found it a tough road to hoe with the U.S.’s traditional allies and enemies alike. Wars continue to rage in Afghanistan and Iraq, with weakening Western support. North Korea and Iran continue to pursue weapons of mass destruction. And the Israelis and Palestinians are refusing to even sit down to discuss their now six decade old dispute.

(While Obama does appear to have inspired indie-rock legends Pavement to reunite, their first shows are not scheduled until May of 2010, and many have serious doubts as to whether mercurial lead singer Stephen Malkmus will actually go through with the reunion.)

Against this backdrop, the Nobel Committee awarded Obama its coveted Peace Prize, citing his, “extraordinary participation” in the world community. The Committee further noted that the “participation” trophy was awarded to Obama because of the stark contrast with the prior administration, which favored war over peace, told the rest of the world to “go f*?#” itself, and stole Christmas every year from 2003 through 2007.