Bruce Willis Hospitalized With Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

DECEMBER 23, 2009 (Los Angeles, CA) – A spokesperson for Bruce Willis announced today that the action star has been hospitalized with post-traumatic stress disorder. Willis’ spokesperson explained that, “the holidays are very hard on Mr. Willis.” Willis was checked in to the medical facility by his friend, and former co-star, Brad Pitt.

The spokesperson noted that Willis had experienced extremely stressful life-threatening events during the holiday season. “It started when Mr. Willis became an unwilling participant in international terrorist Hans Gruber’s Christmas Eve takeover of Nakatomi Plaza. Then, the very next year on Christmas Eve, Mr. Willis was forced to foil a terrorist takeover of Dulles International Airport.”

When asked if Willis was confusing his real life with that of “John McClane” – the character he played in the popular Die Hard films – the spokesperson was defiant. He elaborated, “look, the facts are undeniable – the man had to jump off the roof of an exploding building with only a fire hose tied around his waist and then had to shoot his way through the glass exterior to get back in to the building – that would be extremely traumatic for anybody.” The spokesperson added that Gruber’s brother, Jeremy Irons, who also terrorized Willis, remains at large and that Willis often runs into him at holiday parties. “Surely, no one can seriously question that Jeremy Irons must be made to pay for his crimes. Certainly, Mr. Willis, and indeed the entire world, is not safe with him walking the earth as a free man. I mean – did you see The Pink Panther 2? That was an atrocity.”