German Army Declares Victory in Manhattan’s East Village

MAY 3, 2010 (New York, NY) – The German military is set to declare a partial victory in its long-standing battle to gain control of hip neighborhoods in New York City. German officials are reportedly set to open a new headquarters on the southwest corner of Second Avenue and Second Street in the East Village section of Manhattan. The new outpost will effectively secure the neighborhood, complimenting the current German station, nicknamed Zum Schneider, on Avenue C.

The opening of the new headquarters marks an important milestone in Germany’s six year old quest. Beginning in the winter of 2004, bearded German military operatives began infiltrating bars and restaurants in Lower Manhattan. Years of drinking and smoking on the streets appears to have finally won over the hearts and minds of the people in one of those neighborhoods. Hostilities, however, continue in the nearby Lower East Side and across the East River in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg.